I was a sophomore in Mr. T’s Geometry class second period at Oshkosh North when I first heard of the attack. I remember knowing very little about the Twin Towers at the time. I remember ignoring classmates who were talking about the event because I had no idea what was happening. By the end of the school day I was sad and still confused.
We went to church that evening and had a prayer service for those affected by the attacks. We watched the news that night, too. I remember wondering if one of the planes was intended for the White House. I do not remember being angry I just remember being sad and being confused.
Grief is often about confusion. Why is this happening to me? Why would God allow this to happen? Is God in control? Does God care? Does God see this, too?
As I learned about the attacks that day and watched friends go to wars for the past twenty years I continue to be sad. I do not know how much was accomplished in the past twenty years in Iraq and Afghanistan. I have set out to learn more about the wars and the attacks throughout the past week via books, podcasts, and documentaries. The best documentary I have watched is called “Bin Laden’s Hard Drive”. This helped me better understand the relationship between the United States and the Middle East. Another one I recommend is made by Apple TV + called “9/11: Inside the President’s War Room.” This one has interviews past and present of all those inside of war room including President Bush and his Vice. Last week Netflix released a six part series called “Turning Point: 9/11 and the War on Terror.”All the streaming platforms have more documentaries being released this week, too.
Understanding my pain and grief is helpful. Not all my answers can be found, obviously, but the power of story telling, listening, and learning can be an avenue to finding meaning to the pain and grief. Also seeking to understanding the intentions and actions of others is difficult, but for me it was helpful to learn more about the history of Afghanistan and the history of Bin Laden. God is with me as I learn. God is with me in all my emotions as I reflect on the past twenty years of this specific history.
Additionally, visiting the Tower One website was healing for me, too. I learned who built it and how it was built and I was encouraged by the power of humanity’s creativity and resolve.
The sadness does not go away. I still cry when I hear the stories of the attacks and the wars. My heart still hurts for all those hurt and killed by those events. However, I do feel less alone.
May you feel less alone today. May you love someone in pain. May you love yourself. Do not be alone. Stay in community. Stay in connection. Stay in conversation.